Dreams
by JayBecks
Summary: Jack's having recurring dreams. Janto.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, my second fic, had this one on the computer for a while, but didnt know whether to upload. Might keep it as a one shot, but if there's enough interest in it then I'd probably carry on :) *hint hint?* Constructive criticism welcome, but please be gentle :P .. or any suggestions of where to go if I did carry on? I own nothing, except Ethan, he's mine :) I'll dedicate this one to my sister, because she's been nagging me for another chapter of my other fic, but its crashed and burned because I can't find a song I can get along with : So she's unsuspecting about this one.. surprise! :) Anyway, Thanks for reading and please please please review? **

Ianto sighed and blew out the breath he seemed to have been holding all day. He kicked off his shoes and threw his coat haphazardly onto the coat rack. Loosening his tie and undoing the buttons of his shirt, he called out into the seemingly empty apartment "Jack?" Switching on the TV, pulling the tie from over his head and placing his feet up onto the coffee table, he finally sank back into the sofa letting his eyes close. After thinking about calling out again, he smiled. Warm arms wrapped themselves around his neck and soft kisses were creeping up his neck all the way to his ear. A hand crept inside the opening at the neck of the shirt and fit itself snugly under his arm.

"Long day?"

Ianto hummed "Mm, you have no idea."

"You haven't changed a bit." Jack smiled against his ear

"Hmm?" Ianto's head came to rest against Jack's shoulder

"Nothing, just haven't told you much lately how sweet you are."

"Jack, can grown men still really be described as sweet?"

"This one can." Jack wondered around the side of the sofa, hopping over the arm and landing next to Ianto

He opened his eyes at the loss of the warm arms wrapped around him, closing his eyes again as he felt Jack's head rest on top of his own.

"I've missed doing this lately."

"Me too."

"Yan?"

"Mm?"

"I miss you..."

Ianto smiled affectionately at him, kissing him on the forehead "… I miss you too."

And then the world came thundering down around him again and he jolted upright, his heart hammered in his chest and he put his hand to his face, pulling his damp hair off of his forehead. His hand shook as he lifted the glass of water from the bedside table, his mouth twitching into a painful smile as he looked toward Ianto's alarm clock, when he moved in Jack had hated that thing, Ianto had tried to lighten him up about it and put a lot of smiley faced stickers all over it, he couldn't look at it with anything other than affection. The gut wrenching pain of having to lose Ianto all over again every time he had to open his eyes was the worst part, waking up and finding him gone, still feeling the kisses he had only felt a moment ago linger and then fade.

His hand swept over his face and stayed over his eyes, sobs wracking his exhausted body, it was only when he felt firm fingers sweep gently up his back, round his neck and over his hands to pry them away from his face that he relented, and he smiled "Ianto."

"Hey stranger…Another dream?"

"Good morning."

"Is it?"

He laughed and pulled the curtains apart "Yes…It is."

Jack dug his head into the pillow "I don't think so…"

"You can't stay there all day… Come on, up you get."

"It happened again last night." Jack sat up, rubbing the back of his head and yawning

"Third time this week…" He commented worriedly, leaning against the chest of drawers next to the bed

"I'm alright…" He didn't look convinced "Really, I am… just stressed I think, some things playing on my mind…"

He smiled, though his eyes still looked scrutinizing, and sat on the edge of the bed "You sure you don't want me to stay at home today?"

"No, I'll be fine… You get to work… I'll potter around a bit like always." He laid his hand on top of the younger mans and smiled

"Only if you're sure…" He smiled back, slipping his hand away and kissing him on the forehead before preparing to leave the house

Jack sighed as he heard the door slam shut, this wasn't fair on him. Ethan wouldn't be home for another nine hours at the least; he had enough time to do this.

Setting his keys on the table in the hallway, Ethan wandered through into the lounge "Hello?" No reply "You home?" Still silence. A black cat with white paws and a white stomach wandered lazily from the bedroom to the lounge, yawning and stretching on the way through and wound its way round his legs.

He bent down, scratching its ears "Afternoon, Mac." It was then that he spotted the post it note in the corner of the photo on the mantle piece. It was addressed to him; unfolding it he found Jacks scribbled handwriting.

_I need to find the Doctor, maybe he can fix me this time…I know it hasn't been fair on you putting you through this. Don't wait up, money for food on the table. I'll be back soon, I promise. Love you xxx_

Placing the note on the coffee table, he sighed and picked up the phone, dialling the Chinese restaurants number, really thinking he shouldn't know it by heart. He sighed and set the table, just one place…dinner for one…again. Thanks dad, love you too.

**A/N: The end.. Thanks for reading, please review :) And tell me whether or not I should continue with it? :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, second chapter :) Like the last chapter I wasn't sure about this one, but I wanted to post it anyway or I would have annoyed myself by over-rewriting it :P Thank you so much to the people who liked and reviewed the last chapter and those who added it to alerts :D If I was good at multi-tasking and thinking on the ball I would have thanked you all by name, but you know who you are ^_^ We learn a lot more about Ethan here and in the next chapter, which I'm probably looking forward to writing more than I was this one :P :) Anyway, I own nothing, but Ethan :P Enjoy reading and please review? x**

As the train into Cardiff rattled Jack uneasily from side to side, he shifted from looking out the window, to reading a book, to looking back out of the window, to finally laying across three seats and was captured by sleep again.

"Jack? You okay?" He was in the kitchen. He could see Ianto sitting at the table in the lounge surrounded by paperwork

"Yeah…" There were two mugs of steaming coffee on the counter which, he assumed, he'd made. He screwed his nose up, not quite trusting it; he poured his down the sink, taking the other mug through to Ianto.

He was rubbing a hand agitatedly across his forehead, leaning heavily over the table, scanning pages and pages of endless text. Jack counted at least seven booklets; looking at least 500 or so pages each.

Jack watched him with interest, crouching to lean a head over his shoulder "What're you reading?"

Ianto gave him an incredulous stare "All of that stuff that Nina dropped in yesterday…" He had dark circles under his eyes; he'd obviously been reading for a while.

Nina… it _did_ sound familiar… His gaze dropped to the papers and scanned a paragraph or two. _Advice. Help. Legal. Interest. Considered. Plan._ He stopped and re-read the last words. _Child. Guardianship._ Now he remembered. Nina, the social worker; the excitable, orange girl who leapt in and out of their home from one week to the next telling them about children like they were on offer at the supermarket. He could hardly remember what she looked like anymore, after at least seventeen years since her last visit. He was startled when Ianto prised the mug out of his hands, sipping on it for a few seconds, as if making a verdict.

"Y'know, you're getting better; this isn't bad." He smiled, setting the mug on the table and rubbing a hand down his back. Jack beamed, proud of himself, wondering why he poured his own down the sink.

"I'll leave you to it, I'll wash up." He watched Ianto from the kitchen as he drained the rest of his mug into a potted plant on the windowsill behind him.

Turning the taps round and rolling up his sleeves, Jack leant against one of the counters, with one eyebrow raised "Don't think I didn't see that…"

"…See what?"

A deer in headlights couldn't have done it better.

A tinny, pre-recorded voice woke him _"Now stopping at Cardiff. Change here for…" _

Stepping back into Cardiff for the first time felt like re-opening a wound; it physically hurt.

It was all so unfamiliar; this was home, but he felt nothing toward it. He let his feet carry him where they wanted to go, and after walking a good few miles, he arrived at a large, red-brick house.

He hesitated and turned to walk away again, his feet may have brought him here, but his hands didn't dare knock on the door. Luckily, he didn't have to.

"Jack?" He turned and saw her smile from the doorway, crows feet appeared around her eyes and she pulled a hand through her hair, small flecks of grey dotted themselves about her head "I knew it was you; no coat though; that's what surprised me."

"Gwen…" She was in a thick blue dressing gown, a white t-shirt, some black pyjama bottoms and what were obviously a pair of Rhys' muddy, brown boots.

"Well? You coming in?" She moved to one side "Rhys just made tea, but he'll boil the kettle again."

"Sure." The only word he could form.

"Come on then." She enveloped him in a hug as he came through, following her to the kitchen. He felt numb, like this wasn't real, he wasn't here but just daydreaming about what it might be like if he were to meet back with Gwen again. "You want some tea, yeah? You're staying that long at least…" She laughed gently "You know what, I'll make you some toast, warm you up." He watched her as she moved around the kitchen "How've you been, Jack? Tom's twenty-six in October! Can you believe it? Don't even get me started on Robyn, she's eighteen in February…where _does_ the time go, huh?" She smiled, putting the plate of toast on the table

He echoed her "Mmm, where does the time go…"

Still moving about the kitchen, she riffled through cupboards, pulling out jars of Jam and Nutella; she was definitely a mum "I don't know what you like on your toast, so help yourself…Sit down then, or are you not staying after all?"

He leant against a cupboard, coughing awkwardly "Actually…I needed a favour from you." She looked at him expectantly "Could I stay here for a couple of days? Just find my feet in Cardiff again and then I'll be gone."

She scoffed "Oh, you're not leaving. Stay here as long as you want; we have a spare room. Tom moved out last Christmas."

He sat and stirred the tea she'd left for him on the table, adding no less than four spoons of sugar "Thanks Gwen."

"Sit down, sit down."

Jack sank hesitantly next to Ianto, surely this was their house, surely they should be telling her to sit down.

"I think I've found you a match." Her hair bounced down on her shoulders as she sat down in the armchair facing them. Jack smiled gently as Ianto grabbed his hand. "He's twelve…Now, I know you said you had your reservations about older children with your current situation and schooling and the house, but I think when I show you….oh, give me a second, let me find you a photo." She flipped though various files she'd brought along; she sighed flitting from book to book. By some unforeseen chance, a photo slipped out of one of her files; she didn't look up, just murmuring a sorry. Jack leant forward and picked the photo from the floor; he couldn't help himself, finding himself double-taking at the face. A little boy, no older than two or three with a little mop of brown hair and a chubby hand covering one eye. He looked from the photo to Nina; she held a hand out for the photo, still flicking through files of photos, scanning over faces.

He nudged Ianto with his elbow, handing him the photo, following the smile that formed "What about him?"

"Who?" He turned the photo to face her and watched as she scratched her head "Urm…that's…he's new…"

"Can you find his file for us?"

"Uh, sure, I suppose." She pulled through her files again, stopping at one with large, black marker on the outside "His name's Ethan." She handed the file over "He's being fostered by a couple in Newport. I could set up a visit, if you wanted."

Gwen raised an eyebrow at the state Jack was in "I'm guessing you found him then, cause you look a mess…"

"Thanks…" He'd aged at least a few months; although with Jack it could have been years. He looked exhausted with thick stubble on his chin and dark rings under his eyes. "Can I come in?"

She hummed and stepped aside to let him pass.

**A/N: The end of another chapter :) Thanks for reading and please review :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: New chapter for you lovely people **** I've had some trouble distinguishing between flashback and present day, I did try to put lines in the last chapter but they all disappeared, so I decided on present day is in italics and the normal is the dream/flashback sequences :P **

**I also wanted to put across here that Jack had his reservations about children (and I guess after his experiences I wouldn't blame him), but he gets better later on I promise you :P Thanks for reading again **** Thank you for those who have reviewed my last two chapters **** And please review again? :P**

"_You have no idea, Gwen…" _

_She placed a mug in front of him "Drink."_

"_Because tea now solves all our problems?…" _

_She gave him a withering look "Just do as you're told…drink that, then I'll make up the bed. You look exhausted, when was the last time you slept?" _

"_I don't want to sleep…" He didn't know for sure what would be in the next dream, but he knew what was coming._

"_You're going to bed. You look like you haven't slept in weeks." _

_He sighed as his head hit the pillow half an hour later, Gwen had his best interests at heart, but she didn't know. _

He found himself sat at the dining room table, looking perplexed at a saucepan of boiling water on a tea towel in front of him. He remembered now; steaming open the letter.

"Dear Mr Jones,

My husband and I were pleased to receive your letter about Ethan and would really love if you came to see him. I would have called, but a letter demands a letter back in my opinion.

I'm going to try and work through the questions Nina asked, so if I forget something you'll have to excuse me. Me and my husband live just on the border of Newport, we've fostered for quite a while now; we have three other foster children, Dan's our oldest, he's fifteen, Beth who's ten and Ryan who's just turned seven. Ethan's our youngest, he got placed with us around four months ago, but he's doing fine. He's not too confident, but can hold his own being the youngest in a house of four children, other than that he's quite shy, he loves dogs, especially our Elsie, and our piano, which he's constantly banging at.

I'm sure Nina already told you how the process will work, but just incase she didn't, it usually goes along the lines of; visits for a few months to see how you get along, he'll make visits to your home, if it all goes according to plan he'll sleepover and then we'll go from there until he can eventually move in with you, but it'll probably seem a slow process.

Nina has our details and has been in contact with me so we can hopefully arrange a visit in the next week or so.

Yours,

Julia and David Allen"

_Jack didn't feel right rummaging in Gwen's cupboards, his nerves were getting the best of him; as he saw the light turn on upstairs he pulled out a chair, sitting hurriedly. _

"_Hi, Jack."_

_He smiled genuinely "Robyn…what are you doing up?" _

_She opened a cupboard, pushing aside tins and boxes, pulling out a jar and moving across to the fridge. She shrugged "Heard you up. Didn't want you sat down here by yourself." She set a pan on the hob "Want something to eat? Some toast?"_

_He nodded slightly "Thanks," He stood up, fishing the plates out and setting them on the counter next to her. She turned and smiled, he smiled back, surprised; although he would whirlwind in and out of their lives countless times, she still looked at him as she did when she was two. She'd cut her hair a lot shorter since the last time; although, he supposed, a lot would have changed in the two…maybe three years he'd been gone. _

"_Where's Ethan?" _

"_At home…" She frowned at him "I couldn't have him with me if I didn't really know where I was going to stay and when I was going to be back."_

_She hummed "He could have stayed here, with us…" _

_He poked her gently in the side before throwing an arm around her shoulder "I promise I'll get him to come and see you soon; he's just busy, his job and all that." _

_He stared at her as she bit her lip; she frowned "What?" _

"_Nothing…you look so much like your mum." _

_She scoffed "I'm nothing like my mum…" _

"_Trust me, you're more like her than you think, you should have seen her in her Torchwood days. Gwen could take down an alien in no time flat." _

"_Really?" _

_He hummed "I remember when Tom was born; she was back out the next week." She looked at him in disbelief "I didn't let her go out obviously, I sent her back home, but she put up one hell of a fight about it; put it all down to hormones I guess." _

Julia wasn't at all how Jack expected her at all, in her early forties, slim shouldered with dark blonde hair that fell neatly around her collarbone. He squirmed uncomfortably as she smiled and wrapped him up in her arms just oozing motherhood. He couldn't help but ask himself if she was real with her cut off apron tied in a bow around her waist, stopping short of her knees; he'd been expecting a short, grey haired woman with a round face, resembling Ianto's mother.

"Come through, come through," He wondered whether her face hurt, the woman didn't stop smiling "This is my husband, David." She put a hand on his shoulder as he stepped forward to shake their hands, pushing his glasses up and rubbing a hand over his face. "This is Dan… and Beth," She took them through to the lounge, it looked a lot less the model home and more a family home now, there was toys and magazines on the floor, a cardboard box fort at the end obscuring the window and two children sat cross legged on top of the coffee table. They were far too busy playing on a games console to pay any attention whatsoever to the guests or to Julia who told them 'for the thousandth time' not to sit on the table; Beth, an obvious tomboy was taking great pleasure in beating her foster brother three to one at the football game.

"Want a cup of tea? Coffee?" David looked between them

"Tea would be good, thanks."

Jack looked from the children to David "Same for me, please."

It was a warm, custard yellow kitchen with a large window over the sink overlooking the garden, different vegetables rested in a basin, waiting to be washed.

Julia pointed out of the window "There's Ryan and Ethan; Ethan's the one in the blue t-shirt." Jack followed her gaze, Ethan was just how he looked in the photo, his black hair bounced along with him and he ran unsteadily as only a child would to the end of the garden, keeping a tight hold on a stuffed brown dog in his hand. Ryan, as Jack guessed, was almost an exact opposite, with milk-white hair and a strong-set jaw that he hadn't yet grown in to. They chased each other around the garden for a while until Ethan fell laughing into a shaggy brown dog that was nestled sleeping on the back porch; her ears shot up and she nudged her nose gently against his ear in recognition before letting her head drop again. He hadn't noticed Julia call the boys inside until Ianto nudged him in the side, reaching out for his arm.

"Ethan was so slow." Ryan laughed and poked Ethan in the side; Jack smiled at the indignant frown he gave him "What's for dinner?" He stood on his tiptoes to look into the sink

Julia ignored Ryan, she noticed Ethan was staring intently at the men at the other end of the kitchen; she crouched down to him, putting a hand on his back "Jack and Ianto are here to see you Ethan." He just nodded, putting a hand around her neck and pulling a thumb into his mouth "Well…say hello then…" She pushed him forward slightly and he removed the thumb from his mouth, extending his hand to them.

"Hello."

Ianto smiled excitedly at Jack, crouched down and shook his hand; Ianto was by far a lot better with children. Jack stood rooted to the spot as he extended a hand to him, that thumb had just been in his mouth; but, for whatever cosmic reason, it didn't seem to matter to him as it usually would have.

**A/N: Thanks for reading again and please review **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: New chapter! Sorry it's been an aaaage getting it up, lots of stuff happening + writer's block :/ Like the last chapter, normal writing is flashback and italics is present day. I'm sorry if some of the adoption/fostering facts don't quite add up; all I have to go on is what I know and my 'The Martian Child' audiobook.. Hope you enjoy as always, I dont own anything but Ethan.. Please review as always :) x**

Jack watched the second hand slide lazily around the face of the clock, sighing to himself and resting his head on one hand. Hearing the key turn in the lock, he smiled "Ianto?"

"Just us." He called back, there was a scuffling of feet in the hallway and Jack could hear him fussing over hanging the coats up and taking their boots off. Jack was still going over the things Nina had been telling him these past weeks, about not meeting them at the door to let him come into the environment and settle himself and to sit down so he wouldn't intimidate him; something she'd heard about timid children. Jack had just sat, raising his eyebrows at her; he was a child, not a dog.

Ethan scuffed his feet against the hard wood in the hallway, dragging his toy dog behind him by its ears, smiling slightly as Jack came into view "Hello…" Ianto followed, holding a pint-sized pair of wellies and a small rucksack in the shape of Mr Bump.

Ianto set the bag on the table "Hey," He smiled at Jack, sifting through the contents of the bag, stooping as he usually did to kiss him, stopping as he felt the small eyes burning into the side of the head. He turned, instead, ignoring the attention seeking hand pulling gently on his belt loop "What time do you usually have dinner, Ethan?"

They watched him bite his lip, twisting one of his dog's ears around his finger

"It's alright if you don't know…we'll just eat when we're hungry."

He smiled, then shifted from foot to foot "Where's Ryan?"

Jack and Ianto exchanged a glance "Well, Ianto, I'm hungry now, I don't know about you…"

"Starving." He put a hand on Ethan's shoulder and guided him to the kitchen, before picking him up and balancing him on his hip. He switched the radio on as usual while he riffled through the cupboards. The cat clawed at his leg, waiting for his food "Do you eat pasta, Ethan?" He watched him nod "What do you like with it?"

Ethan's face lit up as Ianto put him down on the side "We put hot dogs in it at Julia's house."

He smiled "Hotdogs? Sounds good...We might have some if that's what you'd like?" Jack walked through to the kitchen with them, plucked the cat from the floor and stroked him as he snuggled into Jack's chest. He ruffled Ethan's hair, as he talked excitedly about the dinner; pasta with hotdogs was his favourite. Ianto grimaced as he opened the tin; processed food didn't sit too well with him, unless somebody was ill, but for Ethan he was willing to make an exception.

_"Wait a second..." Rhys pushed down on Jack's shoulder until he sank back into the chair_

_"I've got to go sometime, Rhys...Feel bad enough leaving him for as long as I have." _

_"He's a big boy, he can handle himself for another half an hour," Rhys chuckled and boiled the kettle again "Gwen tells me you're having trouble sleeping..." _

_Jack stared at him "Rhys, as much as I appreciate you trying to help, please don't..." _

_He hushed him "Insomnia? Too much coffee? Bad dreams?" His eyes met Jack's "Dreams...Had my fair share of those sleepless nights as a father..." _

_"Rhys..."_

_"Shoosh, alright? What is it? Surely a man like you can't be afraid of a bad dream-"_

_"Rhys, stop..." _

_"I mean monsters and aliens are what you deal with on a daily basis, what could scare a man like you?"_

_Rhys stepped backwards defensively as Jack jolted from his chair "It's Ianto alright? I've been having flashbacks..." He sank back down, defeated, managing to choke out his words "...and I know what's coming next..." _

_Rhys remained silent as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders._

Jack rubbed the small of his back and reached forward to twist the lock back, opening the door to a beaming Nina. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet and sprang forward through the door, pushing past Jack.

"Hello, Nina...Why don't you come in?...I'd love to, Jack, thank you...No problem..." He grumbled to himself as he closed the door, calling to Ianto.

"I have exciting news for you." She grabbed Jack's hand and tugged him to sit on the sofa

"Could it not have waited until a decent time in the morning?" Ianto perched next to him, his eyes were half closed and he held a hand to his head "Me and Ianto didn't get in until..."

"Four...maybe five." He sat back "What is it that couldn't wait, Nina?"

She kicked off the shoes she was wearing and pulled a few files out of her bag "Well, Julia and David called me last night and I've been talking to the agency and his social worker..."

"About what?"

"Julia was putting Ethan to bed the other night, told him his story, turned out his light; the usual. She said that he was pulling on the back of her shirt and wanted to ask her a question; he asked her when he could go home again...with you."

Smiling at Ianto's delighted face, he turned to Nina "So, what does this mean for us?"

"Well, he's clearly ready to stay over, that's for sure." She handed over a file "You need to fill these out for me by the way; if all goes well over this next month or two, Ethan should be staying here for good."

_Ethan reached around the top of his wardrobe, pulling down the stuffed dog that had provided him with so much comfort. He threaded its ears through his fingers, the fur had become patchy and worn away, but was still soft as he climbed into bed and curled around it. _

_The lights were off, he'd expected as much. He kicked his shoes off at the door and crept up the stairs, his feet carried him to the edge of his son's bed and he sat, watching him, noting the small dog's nose poking out from underneath his arm. He was unsure whether he looked bigger because he'd been away or because he'd been seeing him so small in his dreams. _

Jack sat straight in his chair, gulping in breaths and calling out into the empty house. He wasn't here. This was the dream he'd been fearing. He was gone. It didn't hurt any less the second time around, maybe it hurt more now this was the second time. Sobs fell from his lips and big, fresh tears rolled freely down his cheeks. A knocking...an insistant knocking.

He turned to the mirror that hung in the hallway; he saw the pale, broken man looking back at him and wiped his eyes, trying to smile; the man merely sobbed back at him. He opened the door, desperately hoping that he'd got it wrong, Ianto was out getting milk. Yeah...Ianto liked milk; that was it.

She was ear piercing "Hi, Jack. Surprise! Can we come in...Thanks...Where's Ianto?"

"Nina, I'm not in the moo-" He looked down, realising Nina had left Ethan by the door . He smiled confusedly at Jack's tear-stained face, taking his hand and leading him into the lounge.

"Ianto isn't in... Ah well, I'll wait until he comes back."

**A/N: To be continued... This chapter will be up faster, promise :) Review? Pretty please? x**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Final Chapter! I didn't think it would be, but it just happened that way :P ... I might write an epilogue in a while, but for now this is it :) I hope you all like it and enjoyed it, thank you for all those who reviewed and alerted and so on :) Please review again? For the final time? :)**

"Nina, Ianto is..." Not bringing himself to say it, he sank back onto the sofa

"It's okay, I said we'd wait." She smiled "Oh, I'll tell you now, we can tell him later. The adoption has gone through, all we need now is to go to court to finish things off; you're ready to start your family. Ethan can live with you guys now." His head sank into his hands "Is he at work? I can come back later if that's better for both of you." She filed through her bag and produced a diary, flicking through it and mumbling times to herself "How about half seven tonight?" Seeing Jack go to speak she flicked the page back "Half eight? Is that any better?"

Jack stood and turned to face her "Nina...Ianto...he died last night." He sat back down, not waiting for her reaction

"Oh, I-" She stopped herself and bit her lip; for the first time, she appeared speechless "Maybe it's best if we put this off for a while, let you get back on your feet again?"

"No." He lifted his head, he could no longer see properly, his vision blurred by tears "I want him here."

"Jack...I'd love to leave him here with you, you know I would." She placed a hand on top of his "You're a good man, Ethan loves you, you and Ianto would have been amazing parents to him...but I have rules that I have to follow, Jack. If I didn't follow them for every person, children like Ethan could get hurt, I can't let that happen. I can agree to supervised visits; I'm sorry, Jack, Ethan has to come first and I have to say you're in an unstable state. I know it isn't what you want, but it's the best I can do." He stayed silent, not knowing whether to be in agreement for Ethan's sake or to follow what his emotions told him and cry at the unfairness of everything "I'll go make you a cup of tea." She rubbed a hand along his back then turned back to the kitchen. After hearing the kettle turn on, he could hear her talking on the phone to somebody, he guessed she'd called somebody in the agency to tell them. He could tell what they would say, what they would do, taking his little boy away.

Ethan watched Jack, perplexed, he'd never seen anyone like this before. He wondered whether to follow Nina to the kitchen or sit here with Jack. He watched Jack shake and jolt slightly at the feeling of small fingers trying to pry his hands from his eyes. The same small fingers wiped his eyes gently, understanding that something was wrong. He placed himself in Jack's lap, and nestled silently into his chest. Jack held him tightly, crying into his hair.

"Jack?" He half aknowledged the boy "Where's Ianto?"

Not knowing what to say, he put a hand back over his face "I thought I could do this..."

"It's alright if you cry..."

The boy's words didn't even register "I can't do it, not without Ianto, he was the one who knew what to do with kids; look at my last attempt at being a father."

"I love you the same..." Ethan looked from his dog to Jack and back again, before holding it out and wiggling it when Jack didn't look "Here."

"Hmm?"

"Here. He's a good dog. David says he can make anything better." Jack patted the dog's head gently, smiling.

Nina walked back to the lounge, placing a mug on the table "I'm going to see what I can do for you, but I can't promise anything. The worst that can happen is supervision for a few months, an evalutation about your state, that kind of thing and then you can be reconsidered."

He shrugged "I'll wait, however long it is."

_"Dad?" Jack sat up and rubbed his eyes "You looked like you were having a nightmare..." He focused his eyes on Ethan "You're crying...are you alright?" _

_Jack beamed at him, pulling him close "I'm fine... just another dream." _

_"Oh, it was __**that **__dream, wasn't it?" Ethan frowned "Are you sure you're okay?" _

_Jack waved him off "How are you? I haven't seen you in weeks... are you alright? Have you had enough money? Been eating okay?" _

_"I'm fine..." He scratched his head "So you haven't stopped having them?" _

_"No...It isn't to do with anything else, but me. I had them all the time I was away...you were so little..." Ethan smiled "The first time we saw you, when we bought you home for the first time, you asking where Ryan was." Jack laughed_

_"He called by the way, he wanted all of us to meet up in a couple of weeks."_

_"Really? How is he?" _

_"Just had a baby girl, Lola." _

_"Didn't know he had a girlfriend..."_

_"...He doesn't..." They shared a chuckle "But that was always Ryan wasn't it." _

_He hummed his agreement, throwing an arm around his son again._

"So, how's it going?" Gwen sat at the small round table in her kitchen, scooping mash off of a baby's chin before trying to put it back in her mouth again

"It's fine...Just getting settled again I suppose..."

"It was always going to be hard." The baby spat the mash back at her and gurgled quietly "Oh, come on, Robyn, you like mash!" She sighed and wiped at her chin with some tissue, scooting her chair in as she heard the footsteps of the boys. Ethan and Tom whirlwinded through the kitchen before running back out and up the stairs

He smiled after them, Ethan was revelling in getting to play with an 'older boy' "Yeah...I knew it was going to be hard, I just .. I still can't think of myself as a 'single' parent..."

"I might as well be..." She laughed quietly "Rhys doesnt get in until dinner time."

_"I'm making lunch...do you want something?" _

_Ethan looked up from his book "Sure...I'll help you."_

_Jack buttered the bread while Ethan put in the fillings, Jack leant back against the counter, watching Ethan as he spread everything evenly to the corners then cut them delicately into perfect triangles_

_"What?" Ethan smiled, realising he was being watched_

_"You're his son...that's for sure." He opened the fridge, reaching for a yoghurt to put on his place. He gestured to ask Ethan if he wanted one, he shook his head._

_"What was he like?"_

_"You know what he was like...you did know him...I must have told you a million stories." _

_"Yeah, when I was small...What was he really like? Without the fairytale heroism...How did you end up together?" _

_Jack looked up "Oh, that heroism wasn't a fairytale...you really think we didn't do all that stuff?" He laughed "He was quiet, at first, mysterious and guarded, but quite charming...in a way... until we found out he had his girlfriend hidden in the basement; remember the robot story?"_

_Ethan nodded, taking a bite from his sandwich "What happened after that?" _

_"...He was...angry, to say the least," He gave a slight chuckle "He hated me...but, over time, he wasn't so angry and it just sort of happened. We turned into the 'normal' couple." _

_"What made you move away, dad?" _

"Hello, sweetie." Ria pulled Ethan out of Jack's arms and bounced him on her hip, she beamed from ear to ear, as if he had come back to them "How are you?" He said nothing, but hugged her close. She turned to Jack "How have you been? Eating okay? I'll go make you a cup of tea..." She rubbed a hand down his arm, he shrugged it away, aggitatedly

"No, I don't want any tea..." He took Ethan back from her, picking a banana off of the table, peeled it and handed it to him "I'm sick of people making me cups of tea, thinking I can't funtion for myself and I'm sick of people acting like everything's fine and nothing's happened for my sake. We aren't fine, but we can cope; I want someone to talk to me, not to pity me, like it used to be. I'm sick of Gwen coddling me, I'm sick of work, I'm sick of Cardiff...I'm sick of everything."

_"He wants to know who he is; it's normal..." Ria sounded tinny down the phone "If you want me to come down then I can, I could talk to him...David's still living at home, I want to get him out of the house, I could bring him with me. He could talk to him even..." _

_"I think he's missing you guys...and Tom and Gwen and everybody... Me leaving and Ryan calling while I was away; I think all these things that connected to Ianto are just triggering something...If I'm not careful about it he might start having the dreams too..." _

_She was silent for a moment "Jack...Ethan's had them for as long as you have...Hasn't he told you?"_

_Jack frowned, putting the phone down before she could say anything else "I've got to go." _

He frowned, his large brown eyes shifting slightly between looking at his lap and his dad "Why? Are we still going to see Tom? And baby Robyn?"

"Sometimes...We just...we have to move away for a while...you never know, we might move back some day." The boy sat sideways on his lap, turned in to his chest. The train rocked them uneasily; He didn't know whether he had motion sickness or the thought of leaving and starting anew was creating this feeling.

Jack took a deep breath, looking up at the new house; it was a secluded street with perfect, clean cut front gardens. The houses on the end had seesaws and toys sat out the front and children ran round them through the side gates laughing and falling into eachother. Perfect as it was, that same uneasy feeling caught in the back of his throat making him gasp slightly.

Ethan wriggled out of his arms, rushing up the steps and banging on the front door; almost anticipating somebody answering. Jack sighed, he would have loved this house...this street. He followed his son and opened the door, his son rushed ahead, running up the stairs and around the corner excitedly. There was a new message on his mobile; Ria.

"Jack? Pick up... Alright...Well, it was nice of you to say goodbye...Look, Ethan's your son and I dont want to make you feel guilty or force you into anything, but he's my nephew, so...just bring him home once in a while? For us? Both of you are part of my family too. See you at Christmas? At mine as usual. Bye."

_"Ethan?" He pushed the door slightly "I just talked to Ria." _

_He smiled "How is she? Are they all okay?" _

_"She told me something...She said that you were having the dreams too..." He watched him shift uncomfortably "Why didn't you tell me?" _

_"I was worried about you...I...I don't even remember a lot of it. For me, it was the first time again, you remembering it all and having it twice must have been heartbreaking..."_

_"I'm supposed to be the one who's worried about you...not the other way around..." _

_He shrugged "Well...I'll tell you next time?" He smiled, cheeky like he was four years old again._

_"Yeah, yeah, sure you will." He smiled back "Well, it gets better from now on...We didn't have Ianto, but we got by." _

He sat on the sofa, head in hands and sighed, relieved it was all over. Ethan was safe and happy, things were going to be looking up from now on...he remembered all of it. The smell of the house, the sound the TV made that they had for a few months when they moved in...what he didn't remember was the scream he heard.

Jack flew up the stairs, his heart pounding in his chest; looking frantically around the house for his son "Ethan?" He released the breath he was holding; Ethan was laughing, not screaming.

"Daddy, help!" He ran from one of the bedrooms laughing, gripping and hiding behind his dad's legs.

A growling came from the bedroom and the figure leapt from the bedroom with a snarl. Ethan ran down the stairs giggling, Jack stood rooted "Ianto..."

"Well done Jack," He smiled "You raised a good kid."

**A/N: And that is the end. Thank you to those who have reviewed, I hope you enjoyed the end :) x **


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